Sunday evening, once Sam left I put aside all my anger and aggression to focus on pushing myself harder. So I'm sat there on the bed and there's a chair directly next to me on the right and I've got my right hand firmly gripped on the chair. Just hold tight and push up I thought to myself (if only it were that easy) after a few gamillion tries, I finally stopped being jittery and shakey. The fact that I was starting to feel more stable in my stance got me thinking that if I tried a bit more then maybe I'd be able to stand, I mean what else did I have to do other than stare at the four walls or watch telly? (oh joy!). No luck though, unfortunately it wasn't going to be that easy, and over two hours later I was feeling knackered so I decided it'd be best to call it a night as I'd gotten as far as I was going to be able to.
Usual morning drill commenced the following morning with the nurses, medication and breakfast and my absolute favourite (NOT!!!) bloods. After my bloods, I had 10 minutes left to get ready for physio, I was putting on my trainers then was sat on my bed and had this sudden urge to stand, I went with this impulse and to my surprise I was stood up, alone no assistance, no holding on to anything, just me. I quickly looked in the mirror to make sure I wasn't hallucinating and partly to see if I looked any different. And the answer to that was that I looked 'odd', my left leg wasn't completely straight, therefore my body wasn't fully aligned. I wasn't at all comfortable with this. Under these circumstances, you'd think I'd be grateful to be able to stand but I was almost gutted - I just needed time to adjust to this new body and work as much as I could with it as opposed to against it.
I got into the physio gym and couldn't wait to tell them, I wanted them to see I was making improvements so that they could request a home visit for me at the meeting on Tuesday because it was my second week in here and I still hadn't been home, so was itching to get the home visit sorted asap! It wasn't going to be easy getting them to put a request in as I first had to prove I could complete necessary tasks and also to confirm whether or not there'd be somewhere to sleep that didn't involve going up stairs because I wasn't able to walk yet let alone walk up stairs. Fingers crossed.
Wednesday 13 February 2013
Sunday 10 February 2013
My Best Girls
My first weekend without seeing Gav and I was missing him like crazy, but seeing the in-laws (Not official...yet! ha!) made my Saturday, and then my two best friends Sam and Sara came up on the Sunday, I laughed so much that afternoon - It felt like old times. Those girls are family to me, they have been there throughout everything in my life, my happiest times and the saddest too. No amount of words or gestures will repay all that these two have both done for me and my family. And for those few hours, I sort of forgot that I was in NRU and paralysed on the left, it was like I hadn't had a stroke at all. It felt good to just laugh and be in the company of my best friends. It put things into perspective for me, I mean all the while I'm sitting here feeling sorry for myself, and these two have got enough stuff going on in their own lives but still they're here, it made me see how incredibly lucky I was to have them in my life, because more than anyone they knew me best. I don't know how I'll ever repay them, but I know I've decades ahead of me to try. Anyway, Sara was playing in the wheelchair and quite taken by the golf ball gear stick and me and Sam were just laughing at the rudies she was coming out with. Then, I was crying but not sad sad tears but happy happy tears because they were emphasising how I'd be out of there in no time, Sara was even joking about bringing her car up to my window and them sneaking me out, it was a plan we sounded super serious about doing but we figured the repurcussions would be too happy so chickened out.
Sara went and Sam stayed a bit longer, the horrible senior nurse came in and told me my wheelchair was obstructive in my room as she couldn't get passed and told me she'd be taking it out and putting it in the corridor. 'Why? I need it to get around and go to the toilet', to which she replied 'You'll have to press the buzzer if you need anything'. I felt so absolutely demoralised and humiliated in front of Sam, that t*** of a nurse had no real reason for removing the chair, and the physio's had given it me to become more independent but of course those progressive steps forward had been ruined by that witch. Even Sam agreed that it wasn't necessary for her to do that. I just burst into tears, 'don't worry Sand', Sam said, 'you'll be out soon'. And then visiting hours were over and Sam had to go, and after such a good day in those last 30 mins, it was quickly becoming one of my worst.
That night, the realisation hit that whilst certain things were incredibly tiresome and frustrating, the love and support of people like Sam & Sara etc gave me that extra push and determination that I needed.
Sara went and Sam stayed a bit longer, the horrible senior nurse came in and told me my wheelchair was obstructive in my room as she couldn't get passed and told me she'd be taking it out and putting it in the corridor. 'Why? I need it to get around and go to the toilet', to which she replied 'You'll have to press the buzzer if you need anything'. I felt so absolutely demoralised and humiliated in front of Sam, that t*** of a nurse had no real reason for removing the chair, and the physio's had given it me to become more independent but of course those progressive steps forward had been ruined by that witch. Even Sam agreed that it wasn't necessary for her to do that. I just burst into tears, 'don't worry Sand', Sam said, 'you'll be out soon'. And then visiting hours were over and Sam had to go, and after such a good day in those last 30 mins, it was quickly becoming one of my worst.
That night, the realisation hit that whilst certain things were incredibly tiresome and frustrating, the love and support of people like Sam & Sara etc gave me that extra push and determination that I needed.
The return of the arm, sort of!
My physio team were absolutely incredible. I was going from strength to strength with their positive encouragement, so much so that one week in and we're already looking at proposing a home visit for me. Obviously I'm ecstatic, and the physio's are soon becoming my BFF's (only joking, Sara & Sam will always be my BFF's *big grin*). All this positive actioning was seeming to good to be true at one point and sure enough it was, the big old horrible doctor's were putting the dampener on my plan as they thought it was all too much too soon. I was not happy with this, I went from cloud 9 to big grey rainy cloud over my head with a touch of lightening.
What a load of dicks, I thought (sorry!!!). How can they just suddenly think they know better than the physios, I mean the physios are the ones that have been seeing me day in day out and listening to my needs so I vented and I vented and I vented to my physios - they just tried to ease the situation, they knew how best to get me out of my sad upset state, with some competitive games with the other patients. This was so much fun, more so because of all the smiles on the other patient's faces. They, like me loved feeling like normal, having a laugh and doing something fun, it was great that they were so relaxed. And then, in the afternoon physio session, they've put these stimulators on my arm attached at the wrist, middle finger, upper arm, shoulder, upper back on the left and then at times on my neck. Then they pushed the on switch from their controls and boom, my hand lifted up, my arm was raising and my wrist was a little bit stable, and the more I was thinking about moving my finger/hand/arm, the better it was responding. It's like magic I thought, it wasn't though just clever linking between the vibrations, the nerves and the ole brain. Naturally I posted the pic online because I was overjoyed at the dramatic improvement in this (up until now) stupid rubbish non-working arm.
What a load of dicks, I thought (sorry!!!). How can they just suddenly think they know better than the physios, I mean the physios are the ones that have been seeing me day in day out and listening to my needs so I vented and I vented and I vented to my physios - they just tried to ease the situation, they knew how best to get me out of my sad upset state, with some competitive games with the other patients. This was so much fun, more so because of all the smiles on the other patient's faces. They, like me loved feeling like normal, having a laugh and doing something fun, it was great that they were so relaxed. And then, in the afternoon physio session, they've put these stimulators on my arm attached at the wrist, middle finger, upper arm, shoulder, upper back on the left and then at times on my neck. Then they pushed the on switch from their controls and boom, my hand lifted up, my arm was raising and my wrist was a little bit stable, and the more I was thinking about moving my finger/hand/arm, the better it was responding. It's like magic I thought, it wasn't though just clever linking between the vibrations, the nerves and the ole brain. Naturally I posted the pic online because I was overjoyed at the dramatic improvement in this (up until now) stupid rubbish non-working arm.
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