Wednesday, 6 March 2013

It's Saturdayyy!

I got up so early morning and was sat ready waiting to be picked up from about 8am. My visit wasn't until Midday so I had a rather long wait ahead of me, it was a miserable day and looked really cold but I wasn't bothered, I was going out, and not like out in the patient transport van to new cross, I was going out for a few hours with the boy. It'd been so long since I'd had time with just Gav and was good to finally get some alone time with him. He's the kind of boy that I can talk about the silliest of things and he doesn't look at me like what the hell are you talking about, instead he carries it on and the conversation is taken to some warped land of L-O-L's. And I was due for a good session of being silly, I was texting him to make sure he was up and on his way, he was and he was just as excited as me so 12pm couldn't come quick enough.

With the spare time I had on my hands I decided to take a tour of the ward in my chair. It was such a surreal experience, there were so many people in here that I didn't even realise were here because they were so severely immobilised that they were unable to move around independently in a chair, some couldn't speak and so their only means of communication with others is through pen and paper and I had an overwhelming feeling of guilt, I had a reality check. I mean, I was lucky compared to these other patients, at least I could talk and at least I could feel a hug and at least I had my memory of who my loved ones were. I couldn't imagine how lost I'd feel if I had to go through that because I was struggling trying to rediscover my body, but my life on top of that. I really admired the drive in those patients and their families that whenever I was feeling sorry for myself I reminded myself of how happy and jovial others were, in particular a patient called Andy who would always be humming 'Let Me Entertain You' despite his speech having been affected, and that would make me smile seeing that he was being so happy and positive about stuff influenced me to be more positive and see the bigger picture, because sometimes you can get so lost in yourself that you lose touch with others and I think I had the tendency to think it was only me 'suffering' like this when it reality I could've been much worse.

Gav came and I noticed the manual wheelchair in my room had been taken out, the nurses had set it up and gav helped transfer me in it. I was a little anxious about going out in the wheelchair because all I'd focused on was the excitement of being out in my hometown, I hadn't for one second thought about how I would feel being faced in public in the chair. And suddenly all my excitement had turned to panic, and I didn't quite know how to deal with my emotions. It was too late though because Gav was already pushing me out the door. This felt weird, I mean usually when we're out Gav's telling me to slow down and now I was being facilitated by him in this chair. He tried to make me laugh and made light of the situation by joking I was heavy, but I was too distracted by watching everyone else in the street to see if they were watching me or not. There were a few stares but not the hoards of pointing and laughter that I had imagined up in  my head.

So, we headed to the fair but encountered some problems, with the weather being bad previously the grass was all wet and slippy and muddy which meant accessing the fair close up was going to be tricky, I didn't really want to be left alone while Gav went in to get candy floss for me due to fear of being eaten by a dog (It could happen) and then I wasn't going to be able to go on the rides anyway, another thing I didn't really consider when making my plans but who cares, I got to go to the fair so that was a win. Rather than just admit defeat and head back to the hospital I managed to persuade Gav to take me to Asda which was literally across the road from the fair. He wasn't happy about it but we went anyway. We were going to have some food at the cafe but there wasn't anything I fancied so I suggested we go on to town, again that was virtually another five minutes away so we were only ten minutes away and it wasn't like I was going mount boarding or anything. I just wanted to keep going because I was having fun.

We got to the shopping centre and went round a few places and bumped into people who asked what happened, and after those awkward encounters we went straight to ditsch. I went for my usual Margherita with Jalapeno peppers, but eating it was a bit tricky so in the middle of town gav had to help feed me. Bit of a low blow, but I think it was good for me to get over my inhibitions about the whole thing because I wasn't making no miracle overnight recovery and Gav didn't have a problem with feeding me so just shut up and eat the pizza, it tastes bloody good. I guess that's what a month of hospital food does for you.

Time was getting on though and it was just after 3:30pm, I should've been back at NRU by 3. Gav was panicked and so we headed straight back. Naturally the nurse was a complete prick and I was just so absolutely annoyed that such a good day had been ruined by a cock of a nurse who thinks that she has a bit of power so has let it get to her head. She mentioned that it was irresponsible that I'd gone to town and that she'd be telling the Doctor on Monday, 'tell him' I said in an incredibly childish matter. I called my mum and asked that she come and take me from the hospital but she explained that it didn't work like that. And so, I was left a stroppy sandy after such a good day with Gav and the witch of a nurse was no.1 on my dislike list.

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