Wednesday, 23 January 2013

Miracle on the Stroke Ward at New Cross???

So, I'm lay in bed (Pretty much the highlight of my first two weeks in hospital) and I suddenly get this pins and needly sensation in my toes, and I'm trying to move them and to me it felt like it but I look down and I can't see any signs of movement. I keep trying and trying to engage that thought process that is identifying with and making an attempt at connecting the physical and after umpteenth attempts, I finally saw a flicker at the base of my toes of where the muscle was trying to do something. It felt like a complete breakthrough, because for days on end I was trying to hope that I could touch the bottom of my bed and after so many failed attempts before, I remained defeated in ever keeping that faith that it would ever be achievable.

So naturally, I was straight on twitter (Well, I say straight after. Of course what I meant was after I buzzed, and asked the lovely nurse Sam if she wouldn't mind passing my phone off the charger). I was so encouraged from all the supportive messages from my friends. I was starting to feel like less a damaged coppelia doll and more like a 'normal' (whatever that is!!!) person again. After having the luxury of being in control of my body for 23 years, and the comedown of having the basic rations of half a working body, I was instantly boosted at the prospect of touching my toes, because before that I had nothing whereas now 'I can feel my toes', I was on the next step of however many it was going to take before I could get to 'I'm walking'. I had no real indication of when that was going to be but now I had hope that something else could be possible. And with every day something else would improve, 'I'll be happy if I can just feel my leg and that's all', 'If only my mobility in my legs return thats fine'.

This was a sign of good things to come, and what I was fast becoming to realise an absolutely relentless journey on the way...

1 comment:

  1. I am riveted by your journey, and the grace and courge it takes to tell the story. Thank you and BRAVO!!! Today is Feb 19th, and I have been able to read straight through while I am supposed to be working. Had to pause and give you a big silent round of applause. Now have to teach a lesson before reading again.

    Thank you!